Cancer in High Heels: And so I wore diamonds.

There are very few times in life that require being fancy. I can think of a few times a year I get dressed up and require things such as hairspray, curlers, etc. Those events include weddings and my annual work gala. I was not really made for fancy. Sure I love great shoes. But I need “everyday” great shoes, and not “I am wearing a sequin dress to dinner” great shoes. I mean Friday nights with my friends at a cheap Mexican restaurnat and a dollar movie does not require diamonds, nor does whining after working out on the treadmill. So generally I am in work clothes, jeans or gym clothes. Simple.

But on my birthday I had a reason to be fancy. My phone rang and just like every year mom sang to me. We like to sing, it is always very off key. The Bible says make a joyful noise, not an on key noise. So we sing off key, loudly and don’t really care if we hurt your ears… we just love to sing. At the end of “Happy Birthday” mom started crying. November 30 should be a happy day for my mama. But Mom told me that about 8am that morning Big Mama had gone Home. Now please keep in mind that we were prepared. I would even go as far as to say we were ready and were praying God would take her so she would not suffer any more. But I don’t guess you are ever truly ready. So on my birthday, my Big Mama stepped into eternity. She probably ran a few laps around heaven. There were many times in the past 29 years I have seen her in pain, and there were many hospital stays, some for extended periods of time. In recent years, The highlight of her weekend would be going with her caretaker to the grocery and ride in the buggy. And then she would return to her recliner and place her walker about a foot away from her for when it was needed again.   And of course, there was always the Friday visit to the hairdresser, and church to attend on Sunday mornings.

I have no doubt that she laughed a lot when she saw Jesus and she celebrated at how beautiful He was and she probably told him “everything sure is fancy.” Then I imagine she hopped right up on into the choir and joined them in some singing. But instead of having to sit to sing, she got to stand up and sing and her little body did not shake when she sang. She is finally free. Finally.

I hung up the phone and cried the rest of the day. Not because I was sad, but because I would miss her and because I could not “fix” it for my mama. The next morning I got up and drove home. Since We were prepared, I had already bought a dress that I thought was pretty. A dress that I knew Big Mama would say “ooooh, Callie, you look so pretty” like she always did.
We had visitation on Thursday night. Lots of people loved my Big Mama and so lots of people came. When you love people as much as she did, you have lots of people that what to say goodbye. They were black and white, young and old. It did not matter how they knew her: work, church, community, etc. They had a story about her and it generally included the phrase “she helped me xyz…” She might have helped them have a merrier Christmas in a time of need, she helped them find a job, or paid so they could go on a mission trip, whatever it was she gave all she could to help meet other people’s needs. And of course they loved her and we are grateful for that. There were so many stories of generosity that we never even knew about.

There was a large crowd at the funeral on Friday. We had to do the awkward “family walk” down the center aisle. That is not exactly something I was prepared for: marching down the aisle toward my Big Mama’s casket. But we did it. Big Mama deserved a beautiful service and beautiful it was. She would have wanted us to smile, so we did. The music included How Great Thou Art, It is Well with my Soul, and I’ll Fly Away. I held it together right until about the line “just a few more weary days and then . . . .”      I started crying for 2 reasons: First, that last song meant it was real. We were moving from the church to the grave site. We would put her earthly body in the ground. That made me sick to my stomach that this was really happening and secondly, because there were no more weary days until she flew away. She was free.

There will always be funny stories to tell because my Big Mama loved to laugh; that’s where mom and I get it from. There will always be sweet memories that generally include her in the hospital or her quirky dog Big Boy that she loved so much. However, as sad as we are to lose her and to not “go to Big Mama’s house” on Christmas Eve, we are so glad for the 80 sweet years she had to live out her simple faith and to set an example of being tough, even when everything turns upside down. That’s where my “tough” came from. She was always a fighter and always prepared. She knew that heart disease, diabetes, and life were never bigger than her Jesus.

About a week before she passed away Big Mama was have some visions of heaven. She told mom that “She wouldn’t need food in heaven, because there is no hunger in heaven” and that Heaven didn't "need light because Jesus is the light” and “it's so beautiful “ and that she "couldn't find his face.” We knew with her visions that God was preparing His special place for her to join Him. I can tell you that the last time I saw her, we listed to Gaither hymns from Mom's iPod and we sang with them.  Big Mama mouthed some of the words.  It was such a sweet sight. She was armed with scripture for her sword and helped us all to be prepared.

And so that is why I wore my diamonds. There are very few occasions that call for fancy, and my Big Mama lived a lived a life that deserved fancy.

Big Mamas favorite verse: Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They shall mount up on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:30

The verses below were read at her funeral:
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Proverbs 31:10-29

Grannie Winnie, Big Mama, Mama, and me: 4 generations